i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
