I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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