My liver just broke up with me...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
