Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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