Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
