He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
