fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
