I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
