The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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