then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
