I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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