I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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