Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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