a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
