I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
