I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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