Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
