tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
