I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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