The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
