he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
