I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
