Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
