I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had to cum in my sink.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
