Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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