so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
