I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
