what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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