i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
