i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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