umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
