THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
