We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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