Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
