I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Every concussion has its silver lining
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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