he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
