I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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