she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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