Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
