Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
