She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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