I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
