I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
