I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
