i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
