please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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