so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
