Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
