do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
