I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Someone shit on the floor
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
