Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
